Everything I Could Never Tell You

i'm gonna tell you the truth: i'm not doing too great.

past few days been bearable till..

reading through that whole chunk of words

only a few sentences matter & it really hit the spot

i broke down even before i could finish reading
 

close friends could empathize even though i left out some details

they too have shared similar experiences be it now or in the past

but only when one is going through it will feel its excruciating heart ache
& how much it really hurts even if its just words, what more actions
 

i blame you to a certain extent. the 'how could you" qn kept circling in my head

but i blame myself more for being the naive one.
what we had, what we went through tog, what i have invested in so far,
accounted to zero.
the feelings & sleepovers we had, was any of that even real??

your life, your routine schedule is back to normal with no down time
whereas i need an indefinite time to heal.
i know you wanted this to last as long as it could
trust me, me too! I persevere on as long as you for the same reason(s)
but it breaks my heart knowing where we are today

the only consolation is
we can go out & have our own lives and know that we (once) have each other

x